I am successful no big fight, no physical hurting, no away na rinig ng kapitbahay, away na umiiyak si Cute. My objective is clear, none to any of these three, even if it will sacrifice the relationship, ask long as none to any of the three, then I'm 50% successful, got my goal, GOD's goal, Jesus way to be a better person, matured one, no overflowing of emotion.
Now my problem is how to get rid of her in my mind? she still there roaming around my mind, hurt by the funrun guy, double whammy, double disrespect, but I need to moveon, deactivate my instagram? deactivate my facebook? even wechat, what about Andrea my daughter? what about my volunteer group? I'm no selfie king, facebook is not my generation, it's ok not to have them, but I have to move on, so that I can focus on my work, focus while driving with my daughter, be happy again, without a relationship.
Can I stick to my promise that she is the last one?? some of my friends say I cannot stick to my promises, for the objective is just to give her a chance? but she is already moving on as 24, now as the older guy I need to find a way to move on, stay happy, genuinely happy? but can I do that when I'm alone? daughter's love is different from Joanna's love, both love but not overlapping, different category. Drinking is just a temoporary solution, chatting the same, the next day still she is on your mind, can someone gave me a better solution to get rid of her in my mind?
September planning to treat Cute to her birthday, but how? either before or after, as long as I can treat her, wherever, just to treat her, make her smile, big one for me, but it needs mother's approval, will she agree? will EGO prevail, will hate still there? I don't know, but I will give it a try, maybe she have a BF then, she already 100% move on, happy for her, maybe same with me she is totally out of my mind (need to get rid all her picture in my house). Hope it does, if she's happy then I should be happy for her, for that is the purpose of the breakup, to make her happy again, genuinely forever happy, with wedding & a baby, I know that what makes her happy. It must happen for her that I would be happy for her.
Maybe if she got a BF that will trigger my mind to move, then my body will follow, maybe if she got married or pregnant with the guy that my mind will set me free, free from burden, free from love from her. Would I love again? maybe no more, I tell GOD after my 2nd relationship (with Andrea as my daughter) that the 3rd is my last, I will fight all EGO, extreme patient so that I can make it work, GOD knows I did try my best, purest effort, but an EGO accomplished GUY will not work with SUPREME EGO girl with no accomplsihment. Someone has to giveup, someone has to give in, eat her/his EGO fight for the relationship to survive, GOD knows I did my best for 3 long long years of patient, but my body give in, my mind give in, my soul give in, maybe only a pure love from her will survive it again, but I don't see it know more, she is moving on, no effort except txt & facebook for us to be OK again, it will not work, for EFFORT is ACT, the act of doing thing for the best of your relationship, not words that lets be OK again, lets do it again, it happen many times, it won't work this time, genuine ACTION after apology, genuine CHANGE, responsibility of a WOMAN not to exchange bad words with her husband, ability to tone down emotion, that LOVE will prevail not just in the end but on the start itself.
Only genuine MATURITY can STOP the culture of FUCK YOU first then SORRY later, it will not work for me, It's not GOD's way for a happy GODly FAMILY, it's very clear it's bad values, bad culture (already hear same bad words from her brother before, may pinag manahan ika nga) I can't tolerate it (I promise to GOD that even ur boring in SEX I will tolerate next time). I like to be what GOD want me to be, a better person, christian person, I have my family mana (mainitin ang ULO) I'm fighting for it since I'm matured enough not to get too emotion, control my temper, complain wiithout EGO, layo sa gulo, iwas sa away, PRAY hard, no more physical fighting, I'm over with it, long long time ago, it must not comeback again, I will make sure of it, it won't happen again for I am in control of myself, I'm matured enough to control my anger, I know that now, In GOD's help I will succeed, alone or not. by GOD's mercy.
Friday Del Rosario
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